7 MVPs. 31 All-Stars. 86 names in total. And nothing all that surprising in George Mitchell's finally released steroids report yesterday. Big names reside on the list, for sure, but it wasn't all that hard to figure most of them out. Surely, Roger Clemens has seen his Hall of Fame career take a major hit, but it's only poetic justice, don't you think? I mean, if you thought Clemens was mowing hitters down into his mid-40s without the aid of something extra, you were living in a baseball fantasy world. Now the Rocket and Barry Balco can stand next to one another as the greatest pitcher and hitter of the "Roids Era."
You've still got to question a lot of the information in the 400 plus page report though, but at least it's out there. ($20 million in baseball funds alloted to the investigation . . . for a short novel's worth of circumstantial pages? Hmmm.)
Honestly, most of the evidence in the report was hearsay and conjecture. So-and-so asked so-and-so if he knew how to find some human growth hormone, and so-and-so called so-and-so about getting a shipment sent to him. This is the smoking gun? I think not.
Now Commissioner Bud Selig (still somehow employed) says he will dole out punishment on a case-by-case basis. Punishment for what, Bud? There weren't even rules against this stuff five years ago!
But most of the names on the list are plausible. Below are my picks for the cream of this crop.
JOSH'S 40 MAN ROSTER FOR BASEBALL'S ALL-CHEMICALLY ENHANCED TEAM
LF-Barry Bonds/Gary Sheffield/Jack Cust
CF-Lenny Dykstra/Gary Mathews, Jr./Jose Guillen
RF-Sammy Sosa/David Justice/Jose Canseco
1B-Mark McGwire/Rafael Palmeiro/Wally Joyner
2B-Chuck Knoblauch/Brian Roberts/Fernando Vina
SS-Miguel Tejada/Randy Velarde/Mike Lansing
3B-Ken Caminiti/Matt Williams/Troy Glaus
C-Todd Hundley/Paul LoDuca/Benito Santiago
DH-Jason Giambi/Mo Vaughn/Hal Morris
SP-Roger Clemens/Andy Pettite/Kevin Brown/Denny Neagle/
Paul Byrd/Kent Mercker
RP-Brendan Donnelly/Matt Herges/Darren Holmes/
Jason Grimsley
CL-Eric Gagne/Derrick Turnbow/Mike Stanton
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Wow. I could've managed this team and we still would have won multiple world championships. But the Roid Rage fights in the clubhouse might have been a little too violent too ignore.
Thanks for facilitating the culture that killed the game of baseball, Mr. Selig.
-JAB
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2 comments:
What? No Jose Conseco? How could you leave out the Godfather of chemical abuse.
Sorry, I see now you had him on your 3rd team.
For the record David Justice came out swinging (unlike Clemens and the rest) against the accusations denying he ever used. He said his big reasoning was he couldn't do anything that had to do with needles and that had it been in a pill he said he probably would have taken it. As a needle phobe myself I am inclined to believe him. The rest are pretty much frauds. Silence is guilt. And I don't buy the "I was trying to get back from an injury" garbage. I'm sure that's how they all started on it. Then they saw what was happening to their numbers and they were hooked.
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